What the Like Button Can’t Give You
Your Attention Deserves More Than a Thumbs-Up
Hey there, friends—
The other day, I had a moment in class that stopped me in my tracks.
I was teaching a group of fourth graders—kids just starting to dip their toes into the digital world—and I asked them this:
“Does the like button actually feel like liking something?”
Nearly every hand shot up:
“No,” they said. Not even a hesitation.
Here’s what’s fascinating: most of these kids aren’t even on social media yet. But somehow, they already know what many adults still haven’t named:
The like button doesn’t feel like connection.
It feels like a placeholder for it.
🔍 THE THESIS
We’ve designed our online spaces around simplified signals—thumbs up, hearts, double taps—because they’re quick. They’re scalable. They’re measurable.
But what we’ve sacrificed for that speed is the depth of real relational nuance. And when you flatten emotion to a single click, you flatten meaning, too.
In cyberpsychology, we talk about “phatic communication”—those little gestures (a wave, a nod, a “like”) that maintain connection without substance. The like button is the phatic gesture of our digital age. It signals presence, but not depth. Contact, but not intimacy.
And if our digital world is being built on this language, we have to ask:
What are we teaching ourselves—and our kids—about what connection actually means?
👩🏽🏫 ENTER: THE FOURTH GRADERS
So we flipped the question.
“What should the button say instead of like?”
Here’s what they offered:
“Enjoy.”
A calmer, truer engagement—an acknowledgment without performance.“Suggestion.”
Not criticism—collaboration. One student explained,“Sometimes I want to say, you could post something better.”
Can you imagine if social media had room for that kind of trust?“Neutral.”
No binary. Just:“I saw this. I’m not mad. I’m not clapping. I’m just...here.”
That alone could detoxify half of Twitter.
These 9-year-olds, many of whom hadn’t even opened an account, were already yearning for a more emotionally honest interface—for themselves and for each other.
💡 THE IMPLICATION
We’re raising a generation that will inherit not only our tools—but our emotional defaults.
And if we don’t offer them alternatives to dopamine-driven loops, binary reactions, and engagement at all costs, we’re not just creating poor digital habits.
We’re creating a crisis of emotional literacy.
As a cyberpsychologist and educator, I see this every day:
The more we reinforce oversimplified digital language, the harder it becomes to name and navigate complex emotions offline.
🌱 THE INVITATION
What if we slowed it all down?
What if your next “like” became a voice note instead?
What if a comment said more than “🔥🔥🔥”?
What if we redesigned digital affirmation around clarity, honesty, and care?
And what if we taught kids (and adults) that we can create buttons that don’t exist yet?
Because connection isn’t a feature.
It’s a capacity.
🤳🏽 YOUR DIGITAL PRACTICE THIS WEEK
Next time you find yourself about to click “like,” ask yourself:
What am I actually feeling about this post?
What would I say if I could say anything?
Would this moment be better served by a DM, a call, or nothing at all?
You’re not here to be a user.
You’re here to be human.
And maybe the most human thing you can do is invent your own button—one that says:
“I saw you. I heard you. I want to know you.”
Thanks for showing up.
Thanks for sharing space.
Thanks for believing there’s more to tech than clicks and scrolls.
By the way, Episode 1 of Cyberpsychology Unplugged is now live.
🎙️ What the Fck Is Cyberpsychology?*
👉 Click here to listen
Let’s make this the start of something more honest.
With care,
Be mindful out there, folks.
Stay tuned for more insights and join the conversation. Together, we’re building a future where technology enhances humanity—not overwhelms it.
About the Author: Michael Davis is the current CEO and Founder of Merek Security Solutions (Merek.io), a data privacy and cybersecurity firm focused on cognitive behavior relative to mindfulness, self-awareness, and cyberpsychological research. A 22-year United States Navy veteran, Michael has worked in the Cybersecurity and Information Security field with IBM, Boeing, and the Los Alamos National Laboratory (LANL) before starting his technology and mindfulness company in Santa Fe, NM. His work has been featured in Forbes, Newsweek, and countless articles written about his research in technology, cybersecurity best practices, and cyberpsychology research and development. Michael is also the current Executive Director of Santa Fe, New Mexico’s Cybersecurity and Cyberpsychology Research Center (CCCR), a non-profit wing of his Merek Security Solutions firm, focusing entirely on cyber ethics and cyberpsychological research and development within the K-5 educational space.
